Day 356 -Tuesday - Singapore - How to keep control

It didn't hit me until today .. ( despite after 4 iui, 2 ivfs.. The day you start ivf treatment, you are not in control anymore.. The dr,  nurses, embryologist and even the blood analysts are the ones controling your cycle, your eggs, your embryo.. And this is only  10% of the job to getting pregnant , The rest is up to the guy up there ( according to my dr)

So what can you do? Nothing much except to eat healthily and sit back, relax and enjoy the journey .. I suppose.,

I am trying to remember the 1st time , and I think it's hopeful, then went to doubt and back to hopeful.. Each cycle is like a mini roller coaster ... 

This time, I am adopting the attitude "if it's yours, it's yours" but of course keep visualizing each positive steps! 

 IVF process

Here are my top 5 companions to positive thinking ( besides this blog):


1. A guide for the advanced soul


Fill with positive and meaningful quotes that enlighten the questions you have in mind! A special present from a dear friend.. First thing I do in the morning to start the day... Kinda of like daily horoscope :)

2. Crystals therapy

A crystal guru friend conducts classes@ the reiki center@ joo chiat introduced me to crystal therapy

A) photo : chakra crystals 

B) photo: conception crystals pack

It's really easy ! All I have to is to program my intentions into the specific crystals and wish comes true. 

3. Relaxing beach walk 


feeling the breeze and hearing the waves, and enjoying the smell of jasmine.


Such power of nature !

 4. Chatting with my acupunture dr and nurses... 


They are such a wonderful bunch.. Always so smiley, jovial and telling me wonderful stories !

5. Last but not least, my family and friends.. 


Feeding me , driving me, loaning car to me,what's apping, running errands and practically work on demand :) of coz., I am on hormones ...That's pretty good excuse...

Today I am thankful for surrendering myself to law of nature.

Day 357- Monday- Singapore - Fall in love with colors again...

I loved colors - I used to own colorful dresses, accessories and homewards... Then as I became more responsible in my corporate life, so does my taste in colors... It got more neutral... White, black, beige, nudes.. You can get the picture?

Recently I found the attraction to colors again... Perhaps it's my niece's influence -she loves pink and rainbow -  so hanging out with her, makes me fall in love with color! It makes me happy  and cheerful!

my rented sofa...
I added some colorful pillows to brighten it up...
 from ikea, in case you are curious...
And the cute elephant is from GAT-
a non profit organization that teaches those
in need a skill and sell handcrafted gifts!

Here's another cute item I bought!
Recycled cover notepad...
Great for Xmas!
Who shall be the lucky recipient ?

Another point- as I get older I tend to be more selective on my purchase and also who made it, I feel much better and bigger appeal when I know I buy to make a difference... it's like "less guilty shopping"

Today I am thankful for my lovely niece who has opened my eyes to rainbow colors! You never know who is the teacher in your life... Btw, she's 4!

Day 358- Sunday- Singapore - When Asia meets Africa...

Truffle mee pok + burgundy 1976 millesime = the beauty of being over 40!

Delightful invitation from acquaintance whom I met at an art course and whom by chance had quite a lot in common...

Just as I thought I have seen that, been that and done that, tonite's dinner opened my palate of chinese cuisine and my mind of a new continent.

We met new friends from south Africa learning more about the continent Which is the only continent I have not been...

While the mind is stimulated by diamonds and Mandela, my tastebud was delighted with crabmeat eggwhite with caviar, accompanied by 83 white Rioja, meepok with truffleoil and 76burgundy..

Results: a more educated and blissful 40 something

I am grateful for: older is good!

Day 359- Saturday- Singapore - Emotional thinking vs logical thinking

Did you know that human brains logical thinking isn't developed till early 20s.. So till then and especially from 12-18, we are ruled by emotions as part of our emotional gland in the brain developed faster than the logic part..

That explains why we were so brash and emotional ..decisions were based more on emotions ( what I like, what I don't like) while as we got older our logic kicks in and self control got stronger..

I learned this fact from a traning workshop of a non profit volunteer organization Beautiful people which offers troubled teenage girls a big sister support.. I thought of using my free time in the weekend to guide these teens to bring out the best of them..

But before that, it's good to know this fact and it makes sense ( my logic part of the brain is working!!)on why as we get older, we add in more logic and sometimes become too rationale .. We forgot to keep in touch the "emotional" side of us..

Gee! I wonder who is the troubled? The teens or the 40 something .. Your guess is as good as mine:)

Today I am grateful for: unexpected useful knowledge !

Day 360 - Singapore - Slow transformation

It's been 5 days since I started this "diary blog". I am seeing some things have changed in my perspective such as: 

1. I checked other people's blogs more often  ( not copying idea but sorta see how other appreciate small little things in life.

2. I take more photos with my I phone.. Yes I am turning into that person next table who keep snapping away .. Irritating, right?

3. I see mundane , routine stuff in different way.. I think abt them , and whether it's worth blogging, I question my choices more - and find positive things to say about them... Naturally ,and honestly...

I think by having diary"blog" I tend to take life slower and enjoy each moment more... Look, it takes time to snap photos with I phone, ok! Also must find right angle and etc.

I also take pride in what I wear and how I look coz , yes!!! I self portrait... It just very natural course of action! ( I won't post it , though... ) it's like you have conversation with yourself so don't you want to see your partner?

So, little by little , I think I am falling in love with life again

Dempsey Hill welcoming sign

Photo: Coffee at jones Dempsey hills . Stop and smell the latte!

Jones, the grocer (9 Dempsey Road, #01-12 Dempsey Hill, Singapore, Tel: 6476 1512) is a cafe cum fine food store ( think dean& deluca) 

Pretty cool store . Ny feel 

Fun print designs Choco- so pretty to look at, bet it's delicious, too

Love collection- valentines day left overs.. Er, no discount ??

Cheese fair...

Books galore( inspiration for my bookshelf )

Day 361- Singapore - The thoughts

There's a saying "everything happens for a reason", "there's a reason why you meet someone", " why this/ that happens to you".. Different ways of sayings but bottom line " lessons in life"


I have viewed life as journey that consists of different episodes  or experiences , just like a movie.. But instead of  being a passive viewer now you are one of the actors .


Everyone you meet , every thing that happened has a reason and yes! You sometimes have to choose and call the shots! There's no right or wrong, there are just lessons and experiences ..


My baby- making journey definitely makes me learn alot .. I learned about my body, all about baby making and it's terminology ( bbt, et,  eh, hccg and other abc acronyms..)
You gained new vocabulary, new knowledge such as hot/ cold food, what's really organic and what's not and various herbs and it's benefit ,.


But most importantly , I have met new people, heard and seen sad stories and inspiring stories and I finally after all these years ( 5 years and counting) this is the first time I felt that I am grateful to all had happened .. Becoz it makes me wiser for this attempt


I am on a 4th day medication ( hormone shots) and it dawned me how lucky I am .. With the past experiences, I can now look at what works and what doesn't ...


And I feel blessed with my east( acupunuture) west ( ivf) team that is helping me , and I can only be thankful of their kindness and care.


My past nurses in hk ivf center were nice and friendly but in here, I actually feel they care even though they are only doing their job.


My Acupunturist and her team is such a bunch of positive happy people.. Each time I call, there's such a tone of warmth and care and they are always happy !


These carers must have seen countless of hormonal women but they still continue to keep their passion and let us feel the care is amazing!! I would recognize them on International Women's day! Bravo and Grazie Mille for these lovely ladies!!






Photo: ivf team


Photo: acupuncture team


The last round due to Xmas holidays I don't think I was eating too well. So this time, with the advice of an old friend whom I randomly ran into and we reconnected ( you see.. Encounters are not by chance .. They are all here for you for a reason) my friend is a very inspiring woman and mother to beautiful children ( one with down's) and she had shared with me her challenging journey to conceive and to meet her son , nevertheless she strived on!


Anyways I reflected my menu that had worked in the past and my friend's advice, I am doing the "confinement " diet. Basically it's like post birth diet with lots of ginger and no cold food/ drink..


Here's my ginger fried rice.. I adapted with spinach ( source of iron)

Here's my lamb with gingered veggies ( lamb is a good source of protein ) 

Oh.. It sounds like really "heaty".. It is, so I added in an apple a day at lunch time to balance ..


We'll see if this works.. Will know tomorrow.. To know if the eggs are growing healthy ... Lol!!!just like a chicken ... Clack clack!


So , this time, I am just going to eat well and enjoy my experience wherever it may take me! One day at a time! Baby dust to all who are going through the same journey as us.. Loves!!


Today I am thankful for what I have went through and all the lessons!

Day 362- Singapore - Art exhibition

As part of discover journey , this evening I attended Louis vuitton art talk. Today's focus is on Indonesian contemporary artists.

Do you know anything about Indonesian art? 

Well, neither do I! Today's speaker is heri dono, one of the most accomplished yet controversial artist.. He is famous for his angels( and the angels have wings but robot body) he paints based on experiences .. "it's my diary" according to dono.. He shared his experiences and vision on getting Indonesia tradition modernize .. Bold indeed..

Because he was the guest speaker, I didn't get a chance to speak to him (he was too popular) but I got to meet another artist , Hehe .. Gen y artist with 2 paintings exhibiting in this exhibition. 
He's so down to earth and real, we discussed various things including his family and newborn son!! Isn't it great to be able to discuss the art and talk about personal things?I love it because suddenly you see his work in a new perspective and it becomes more meaningful !

His work looks vaguely familiar... Think Japanese collaboration with L.V sometime ago but after chatting, I see it differently .

I also chatted with another solo attendee. Turned out that she's from  lv espace Japan.. Lovely elegant lady and she's fluent in French and english.. Found out that she went to French school for her education and we discussed what does she feel.. Japanese ? French? 

A question which I have been thinking .. What school do we send our children? French or local ? 

In my new found friend's case, it helped that her mom speaks French ,  I suppose I got to make that decision one day ...

Meanwhile , support Indonesian art - get to know them 

Fantasy islands @espace Louis vuitton Singapore . From today till June, 2012

Today I am grateful for: new encounters .. I spent almost 30 mins with each person.. They feel like old friends already.. So if you open up, so would others! 

Day 363- Singapore - Solo shopping day

It's been a long while( 5 mths..) for me to shop..off line , I mean. 

With the convenience of online shopping, my faves are net a-porter, saks fifth and outnet, I have gotten lazy to browse and walk around the store to shop...While Online shopping satisfies my cravings in an instant , it does not bring drama to shopping.. Like I experienced today ! It's that 3d effect! 

So, I started my solo shopping with a magazine shopping . My indulgence , marisol@ sgd 23.90!!!I love marisol as it's fashion , beauty and  lifestyle tips are very appropriate for women around 40 (guess early 40 still can be considered around 40, right?) Cappuccino x marisol= happiness.I especially like Brenda , the main model for marisol. I like her style and she's just pretty and age gracefully and happily (note to self!)

While checking out what's new and cool, I had lunch @coffee club, inside kinokuniya bookstore@ ngeeann city.

It's really nice to be surrounded by books - there's a nice smell of new books which I love.

I ordered pita lambs that came with fries and salad.. Yummy!

The dressing is delish. I normally don't take dressing , especially balsamic. Hate that vinegratte taste!But I made an exception and results: love it! Not as vinegar as I expected!

But I hold the fries, because tonite I will make nikujyaga , Japanese home dish, potato &beef stew!

After I filled my tummy and waken up by coffee, I am ready to shop! I decided to make only few stops because I know I will not have patience or energy to shop till you drop! So for 2 hours, I was at abercrombie ( must see store- as it's newly opened!), h&m( now with ivf , I have got to be economic chic!) , on pedder ( alternative to expensive lauboutins) and Chanel beaute ( can't afford the bag but at least I can still have a bag filled with this beautiful black and whites!

What I bought:

From H&M:

Blue top, jeans and skirt.. 
Need new pair of jeans and elastic skirts due to the hormone shots (definitely bound to gain some ounces & pounds!) 
oh the sparkly top - I needed sleeve to cover my arms which are getting flabby due to my sportless life style!

Note to myself: "I am joining a bootcamp after I become a mommy! Got to be yummy!!"



From On Pedder:

On pedder: ( lovely wedges! Good for preggies too- stylish and stable!)

Not sure if I am going to keep the pink!

From Chanel:  I love the pure, radiance collection! I got the set!

Abercrombie : nice store if you are 15.. Definitely not for over 40! You will feel sad if you try to fit into their L size, it makes you look like incredible hulk!!

The door man ( half naked) .. Very Delish to look at and their smiles could bring another smile - yours but again , so off limits coz you know you are two decades older than these chaps! So obviously I politely turn down the photo opp .. So sorry no photo for this section!

Across from the store, I was greeted by Armani window display..
A reminder to me that this is more appropriately for a woman over 40??

While at h&m, it was good to wash my eyes at syt( sweet young things )- though it's not fashion week, there were alot of model  teenagers .. So it was good to gawk at pretty faces, lithe body and dreaming their carefree, glam life!

But what caught me was this Korean girl  while i was in line for cashier-she was dressed in white tee- braless!! I was not audacious enough to take a pic- you can imagine what it looks like??? Braless in white tee?What happened next was even more dramatic.. She bought a black dress and after payment, she walked to the side and did a houdini change in public!!! Pretty impressive! In 10 seconds she was out of her braless tee , red jeans and on with a lbd- still braless of course! Next to her was a wise saying- if you love it, just wear it! This Korean chic is definitely so H&M!!! Kudos!!!!

Now, you see.. The drama is waiting for you when you do non virtual shopping! I definitely can't get this through Internet shopping!!!




I ended the day with a nikujyaga dinner as planned , carbo reload after a hard day of shopping!!

Today's gratitude : thankful for "real" shopping - all the drama!

Day 364- Singapore - feels like hollidays...

It feels like officially I am on holiday from today , as today is my day 1 of our IVF (3rd and last)... 


Somehow I feel like it's a start of a holiday, don't know exactly why .. Maybe it's because I get to see the familiar Doctor and nice warm caring nurses? 

So really a holiday does not have to be in a resort?

Checking into the clinic today, feels like checking into a hotel.. See for yourself 

At the reception

At the waiting lounge

Human reproduction???

Since I am practicing to be a mommy, I accompanied my sister in law to look at a pre school for my 20mth niece.. 

The school is decorated with the boathouse theme ... 
Nice theme for kiddies room!

Nice way to display the uniform!

Day 365 - Life after 40 - hajime- the start

I have decided to start a blog ... Really out of the blue ... For a simple reason ... To rediscover myself! Inspired by bloggers, especially Ta-Chan of Jakarta love story, Kaho of Chuzai living ... They showed me that daily routine living can be fab and beautiful ! 


I had turned 40 about 15 months ago, now I am officially midlife and guess what? It comes with a lot of questions... Er midlife crisis??? 
I have been thinking of what's my life, what makes me happy, meaning of life... My 20s,30s were carefree... 
Those years were spent in Tokyo, New York and lots of travesl around the world.. And it was just follow the flow...
Then I got married in mid 30s and keen to start a family. My focus shifted to that... When motherhood did not arrive after I turned 40, I seemed to have lost my aim and have forgotten to follow the flow... And daily life seems meaningless... I hope to chronicle 365 days of my life and by 365 days, I would be able to see again the joy and meaning to each precious day... And most importantly loving my life after 40 So, come and join me in this journey.   




Day 365- Sunday- Singapore I will be in Singapore for a while, as I will start another round of ivf... Which of course I will share since this is part of my "daily" life! I had toyed the idea of coming back to Singapore to live for good and been praying for signs to see if this is the place for me to be.. So far.. No signs i.e. No job offer for hubby and I ..despite us sending words out and resumes out there ..so we continue to shuffle between hongkong, Singapore, France, USA . 


Anyway, since I decided to blog, I think I should try to go out more.. Seeing new things and discover .. So.. I got together with my oldest friends and browsed tiong bahru area.. 


It's the up and coming neighborhood in Singapore. Bohemian chic. Old eateries and cool design shops live side by side. 

Fleas&trees: cool  and pretty preloved and unique design shop.. You can find preloved  vogue magazines, homewares , clothes to handmade clutches and accessories 

My purchase of the day necklace- thought this would go with my outfit today ?

Ending the day at Socialhaus- new cafe bar.. We had pastas, burgers and happy hour drinks at 8 as we ordered before 8 pm. Food is so-so, but it's great to catch up with old friends.. It's like a cup of warm tea in the middle of winter ?

Socialhaus - newyorkish cafe in Tiong Bahru

Today's gratitude  : friends and pretty things.. I am thankful for! Looking forward to tomorrow adventure ! Socialhaus- Fleas& tree